For my capstone project, I was to spend 6-8 hours on something that had to do with the family, like memorizing the Proclamation or creating a blog or something. I chose to blog about how Jeremy and I are trying to improve our relationship, particularly through regular dates. Since I have gone back to school and have a myriad of other responsibilities, it has been hard to make time to date my awesome husband. The kids have lots of things and he's been working a lot lately. The extra money has been nice, but I realized we needed to spend more time together, just the two of us. I think he was feeling this way as well. Taking this class has reminded me that my spouse comes first before my children. I think we forget that as parents when we get wrapped up in all the extracurricular things. School has been a bit overwhelming for me as well and I felt like I couldn't take the time to have any fun! Boy did I need some fun in my life!
After making the decision to relax a little on the school front (I still have straight A's), I decided it was time to take action and plan some things with Jeremy.
First off, our anniversary was in September. We've been married for 17 years! Since Jeremy had been working a little more, we decided to ask his parents to watch our kids so we could drive down on a Sunday evening after church and spend the night down by Disneyland. This is not feasible for most people, but for us it was a great escape. So wherever you live, plan a little retreat for you and your significant other. The next day, we slept in, worked out together, had breakfast on the hotel and hung out in our room until checkout time. Then we went to a movie (Everest) and headed to Disneyland for Mickey's Halloween party. We had a great time! We needed that time to relax together and not worry about any thing else. I always wish things like that could be longer, but real life was calling. It was totally worth it and I have made a pact to make sure we get away, even for a few days, each year.
For our next date, we got a tip on how to get free tickets to the BYU vs. UCLA game. We weren't going to be able to go otherwise because we didn't want to spend that kind of money on tickets. We even helped my parents and my sister and her husband get them as well. We jumped in our van after picking up some dinner on the way and headed down to Pasadena for the game. This isn't something we do on a regular basis, so to have two weekends in a row of fun, semi pricey dates, was a good jump start to more regular dating.
We parked about two miles away from the field and after ward, we walked all the way back, chatting and holding hands. I even bought us BYU shirts just for the occasion.
I know these may not seem realistic and we do not go on dates like this often, but they were fun and not worrying about the expense so much has been really helpful. I learned that dating my husband was worth more than the money we would spend on the dates.
Another form of dates for my husband and me is to make sure we attend the temple at least once together each month. He has been going almost weekly for the past four months (a huge blessing to our family) but we weren't really going together. Planning this at the beginning of the month is KEY! Otherwise it doesn't happen and we are scrambling at the end of the month trying to squeeze it in.
I always tell my husband that every girl loves a man with a plan.
We have tried dividing up dating responsibilities with who is in charge and who's going to plan, but that didn't really work for us. Looking ahead at each week, we make a plan for a date even if we don't know what we will do for it.
We found this really great website called Dating Divas that has given us lots of other ideas, for dates, complete with a book we printed off with a "big" date for each month of the year.
Jeremy and I love each other so much. Why would we not want to put each other first? I want to challenge each of you to rekindle your marriage. Make daily rituals like kissing each other good bye in front of your kids the norm. Let your kids see what a great relationship they can have someday.
A marriage class we went to that was put on by the BYU alumni in the area was given by Mark Ogletree. It was hilarious and fun and another way to help us take a look at what we are doing each day to let our spouse know we love them. He was the one that suggested daily rituals. Even if you don't feel like it, make sure your spouse knows you love them before they walk out that door. Make sure you take notice when they come each day after "slaying dragons." These small and simple things will make each of you happier. He also suggested praying morning and night together, having fun together and connecting through rituals. The rituals he mentioned are: greeting rituals (gross your kids out), talk rituals (not at 11PM. Do it where you won't be interrupted and don't talk about kids or money), and dating rituals (husbands usually have that responsibility).
I hope by writing this post, someone somewhere will have a desire to make their marriage even better than it already is. It is worth it. Marriage is hard and life is hard. Why not make sure you are having fun with the person that will be with you through all those hard times? And make sure to gross your kids out every so often with how much you "love" each other!
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| Atalie's face says it all! |
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